Meeting Expectations…or not?

Something I have noticed over the last decade of this ET adventure, is that people are very hung up on labels. I speak specifically of the label of “being sick” right now. Yes, I’m going back to “But you don’t LOOK sick…” again. It’s important to me. Get over it.

I have found that on days that I’m feeling my worst, but still looking “normal” I hear a lot of “Well you LOOK fine…” and the ever popular “Well you don’t look sick to me…” (because…you know…everyone is an MD now…). But then if I am not looking my best, I tend to hear people say things that imply I’m “putting on a show”, or faking it. So, I’m curious…which is it? Am I faking it when I DO look sick, or am I faking it when I “look fine”? At what point is my appearance:actual feeling ratio, acceptable to the general public. More importantly, when did the thoughts of the general public become so important to me? Why do I let it bother me?

Let’s use today for an example: Today I went out to watch a pre-season hockey game with M. This is a big event for me, for a couple of reasons 1) I have been feeling absolutely miserable for the last several days. To the point that I missed several hours of work, because of it. 2) I’d never been to a hockey game before…so it was really exciting. As I mentioned before though, I missed several hours of work because of it…then I went out and had fun? Maybe I wasn’t actually sick maybe I was faking it the whole time?

Oh wait…no I wasn’t. I think what a lot of people don’t understand is that in order to go out at all, or to function as a normal human being, I often have to sacrifice other things. For instance…Saturday, I did ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. PRODUCTIVE. AT. ALL. There is no way that I would have had the energy to go all the way downtown, walk through the arena, and actually enjoy the event, if I had done anything yesterday. So…yes, I missed a few hours of work this week. I also gave up an entire day of my weekend on the off chance that I’d have enough energy to enjoy myself for a few hours. I know I’m not the only one who thinks about this. Know how I know? Google.


TLDR: Don’t make judgments based solely on the appearance of others. EVER. For any reason.

OK, I’m done ranting for now. This may have been somewhat disjointed, and for that I apologize. But I just needed to get that off my chest.

As always, you are your own best advocate. If you do not stand up for yourself, who will?

Until next time,





Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sure we’re all aware that the month of September is Blood Cancer Awareness Month. In order to help raise awareness for our very rare family of diseases, I have started an event that will be ongoing the entire month. I am hoping to get participation – PLEASE PLEASE join me in #WigginOutOverMPNs every #WigginOutWednesday!

Please join me every Wednesday this month for #WigginOutOverMPNs Wear a funky wig, do a crazy hairstyle, even wear a silly hat! Whatever you choose to do, post a selfie on social media, using the hash tags #WigginOutWednesday and #WigginOutOverMPNs Help us raise awareness of this very rare family of blood cancers!

Add me on facebook and I’ll invite you to the event!!

As always, you are your own best advocate. If you do not stand up for yourself, who will?

Until next time,


The Theory of Pain Relativity

Fairly often while talking to a friend, family member, or coworker we will find ourselves talking about our health, how we’ve been feeling lately, etc. Almost invariably, if the person I’m talking to knows about my situation, they will follow-up any complaints they may have had with “Of course, I know YOU have it worse” or “I shouldn’t complain, compared to what YOU’VE gone through” or similar…I have just one thing to say to this, and to all of the people out there who think, or feel these things…


I’ve said this before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again. Pain is relative to the person experiencing it. Period. End of story.

Your pain requires no validation. Your pain requires no proof. Your pain requires no apologies.

In the same way that someone else’s good day can not diminish your own good day, no one, including yourself, should ever make you feel inferior based on how you are feeling. We all get sick. We all have bad days. Comparing your bad day, to someone else’s bad day doesn’t mean anything, in the long run.

Endure the bad days.

Enjoy the good days.

After all, one could not exist, without the other.

As always, you are your own best advocate. If you do not take care of yourself, who will?

Until next time,


The Sandbag Theory of Energy

We all know that fatigue is one of (if not the) most prominent symptom of MPNs. I have struggled for a while to come up with a way of explaining it, that feels relevant to me. Now don’t get me wrong, I still adore the Spoon Theory, but I have another view to add as well now. 🙂


We all possess an invisible bag that we carry around every day. As we exert energy, sand is added to the bag, making it heavier, and heavier as the day goes on. The more strenuous the activity, the more sand is added. As the bags get heavier, we move more slowly. It makes each action we have to perform that much more difficult. On a good day the bags are only partly full by the end of the day. However, that also means that we didn’t get to accomplish much that day.

On the days that I am more active, I feel my imaginary sandbag getting heavier, and have difficulty moving as quickly as I’d like. These sandbags don’t just slow down physical activity. They can also bog down our minds. I often feel as though my IQ has dipped several points throughout the day . No matter what I do, I can’t shake the feeling of being weighed down, mentally and physically. The heavier it feels, the more exhausted I feel. Some days just getting showered, dressed, and driving to work can begin to fill the sandbag. By the end of the day it can be nearly impossible to muster the energy just to cook, and eat dinner. Some days the only thing I have the energy left for is to change clothes, and crash on the couch.

We all have good days, and bad days. It’s very easy to get frustrated when we can’t get as much done as we feel we should, but we need to accept that some days we will not be as strong, or as quick, or as sharp as we’d like to be. On these days we must cuddle up on the couch with a nice warm blanket, a cup of tea (or something stronger, if we’re so inclined) and relax. That sandbag is heavy, we’ve earned the downtime!

As always, you are your own best advocate. If you do not stand up for yourself, who will?

Until next time,


Failing at life…

So you may or may not have noticed…I disappeared. Again. DANGIT.

I think I need to stop setting unrealistic goals for myself. I always want to post good things here. Informative things, helpful things, useful things. Then I get so frustrated if I can’t think of “quality content” to write, then I rough draft, then I throw it out, then I get frustrated, then I procrastinate, then I get frustrated some more. Then somehow it’s 3 months later again…and I’m going through this cycle of apologizing for my absence. Again.

Yeesh. So…here’s the plan. I’m going to attempt to just do simple, personal updates weekly or bi-weekly, depending on how this goes. I will still go on rants from time to time. And I’m sure I will annoy more people with my dislike of the homeopathic “cures” crowd. (Insert snarky-humorous image here)


(Also…this isn’t mine. I found it on the internet, and it made me LOL. So I couldn’t resist).

I am also plotting for #MPNBCAM16 – be prepared!!

Also…today is day 2 of a nightmarish migraine. (please forgive the rambling) My freaking face was numb for 24 hours. I have basically been unable to human (yay inappropriate noun/verb usage) for 2 days. I am finally getting back to something that vaguely resembles normal.

Also One More Thing!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to nominate your MPN Heroes!! Follow the link below, choose your nominee (caregiver, patient, doctor, volunteer, you name it)! Nominations are due no later than 9/8/16, so you’ll probably see this plug come up throughout the summer!

Please note, I’m not asking for nominations for myself. 1st of all, I’d never do that anyway. 2nd of all, I am ineligible (…more on that later…maybe) I am just super excited about these awards, and really want people to get out there and nominate their Heroes!!!

Nominate Your Hero today!

I’ve said also far too many times in this blog. I blame the migraine.

I’m going to end this here.

As always, you are our own best advocate. If you do not stand up for yourself, who will?

Until next time,


Saturday Morning Musings

Good morning to all of you, dearest readers. I hope you are all doing well. I wanted to talk about a few things today – there MAY be a teeny tiny rant coming (be warned!!)…

First things first: Per my previous post, I have been trying to be more active lately, to attempt to combat my fatigue issues, and I chose Yoga as my activity. Have any of you been doing yoga with me? Or any other daily activities? I have found that on the days that I have done it I have truly felt more energized! I’ve been doing a 20 minute session with a trainer I found on youtube, and I’ve been feeling pretty good! Originally I was going to stick with once a day, but was inspired to try it twice/day to see how it made me feel…it’s amazing. My morning session is generally around 6am, before I leave for work – it’s made a significant difference to my outlook on the day, and to my physical self. Then I follow along with the same video when I get home from work. The relaxation that comes along with that 2nd round is just fantastic. I don’t talk much about my “muggle” job, as some may call it, but it can be stressful at times. Knowing that when I get home, I have 20 minutes of calm, smooth motions, and deep breathing, really helps me to forget the stresses of the day. I’ve been using #virtualyogaforMPNs to promote the e-vent (see what I did there? lol), so if you do happen to join in, please Tweet, or facebook, or Instagram using the hashtag above, so we know we’re all together!

Now – on to the rant portion. You’ve been warned!!

Lately I have seen an awful lot of “cures” and “homeopathic cancer treatments” being touted by random folk on the internet. Now, please do not misunderstand me. I am all for the benefits of herbs, or essential oils. Note I said BENEFITS, not CURATIVE PROPERTIES…important distinction. There is a lot to be said for mind/body connection – feeling good mentally, can help you feel good physically(See previous paragraph on yoga…). HOWEVER – this does not/should not eliminate one’s need to be followed by one’s physician. ALSO – before beginning any kind of health regimen, you should ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS (Did I say ALWAYS…because ALWAYS!) consult your health care team!!

Now, I know that this is nothing new. Snakeoil salesmen have been around forever. There have always been people out there willing to prey on the desperate, and the sick. What irritates me the most about this, is just how easy it is for these people to spread this misinformation around via social media.

We all know how quick it is to “like” or “share” a post on Facebook. But it takes only slightly longer to do a bit of research and learn about these “cures” before you go splashing them all over someone’s newsfeed. Please, always do your research before sharing anything on the internet. Use your instincts – if it looks “too good to be true” it almost certainly is.

As much as I would love to see a panacea come into our lives, I have to admit – I’m not going to hold my breath on that. I will, however, continue researching, and being as diligent as I am able to learn about my own illness, my treatment options and discuss all of these things with my health care team.

OK, rant over – I feel better having gotten that off my chest. Phew. SO…#virtualyogaforMPNs is happening again this evening 6pm CST (Link to the video I have been using is in the first paragraph of this post), please join me! And please share your experience if you do join! I’d love to hear how it goes!

As always, you are your own best advocate. If you do not stand up for yourself, who will?

Until next time,


The Prodigal Blogger Returns…again

Well…it happened again. I planned on just taking a very short break from writing, and ended up on a 7 month hiatus. I really need to stop doing that. I will again make an effort to be less of a slacker, and try to write on a weekly basis moving forward!

So…originally I had planned for this to be a bit of a rant on the irritating trend of “cures” and “holistic treatments” and things, which do nothing but sucker the desperate, and frightened, who feel they are out of options.

Don’t get me wrong, I still fully intend to write that rant… Just not today. Today is too beautiful a day here to spend writing annoyed words. Did I mention that it is FEBRUARY in the Midwest… and it’s 75 degrees?!? Today is a day for enjoying the weather, and being happy. So… perhaps a quick update, and then some ramblings to ease back into this blogging thing. Sound OK? Great.

So… my last blog was in… July I believe…YIKES. Sorry readers… if there are any of you left… Hopefully you didn’t all give up on me. Let’s see… since July what has been going on in my world… well…I was lucky enough to go to San Diego for the Women and MPNs event hosted by the MPN Advocacy and Education Foundation. The event was extremely informative, and empowering (and I promise to go into deeper detail of the event in my next blog). Ummmm…I decided I no longer wished to be a blonde, and am now a crazy-unnaturally colored-red-head…M and I purchased a new vehicle, we had a lovely holiday season with family, what else…hmmmm…that may be in for the personal life updates at the moment….

Health wise, things are in a bit of stasis. I’m still only on baby Aspirin at this point. My platelets have been bouncing around quite a bit though… not sure how to explain that. I’ve been in the 500Ks, 600Ks, 700Ks. Most recently I went from 530K-750K in the span of a month. The explanation from the hem/onc is refractory effects of the Interferon. I suppose I need to do more research on the Interferon and its lasting effects… because it’s been (I think) about 2 years since I stopped taking it… and I would have thought that I’d stop seeing it’s effects by now. Also… my white count was high the last 2 checks, red count too. Not sure what’s shaking at the moment. As for how I’ve been feeling – about the same as usual. Fatigue is still my worst enemy, I am often so wiped out by the end of the work day that all I want to do is come home and go to bed, but I am fighting those urges. What I need to do is get back into a regular routine of some form of exercise after work… Perhaps that would help me fight the fatigue.

I’m thinking come Monday (2/22) I’ll start doing yoga when I come home again… and I’ll write about it, as a form of accountability. Anyone wish to join me? We could be accountability partners, and help one another through our fatigue slumps! If anyone would like to join my “team” let me know. E-mail me at, and we can start an activity blog for one another!

That’s all I’ve got to ramble about for now, I’ll be back soon to update you on the yoga-front…

As always, you are your own best advocate. If you do not stand up for yourself, who will?

Until next time,