The Sandbag Theory of Energy

We all know that fatigue is one of (if not the) most prominent symptom of MPNs. I have struggled for a while to come up with a way of explaining it, that feels relevant to me. Now don’t get me wrong, I still adore the Spoon Theory, but I have another view to add as well now. 🙂


We all possess an invisible bag that we carry around every day. As we exert energy, sand is added to the bag, making it heavier, and heavier as the day goes on. The more strenuous the activity, the more sand is added. As the bags get heavier, we move more slowly. It makes each action we have to perform that much more difficult. On a good day the bags are only partly full by the end of the day. However, that also means that we didn’t get to accomplish much that day.

On the days that I am more active, I feel my imaginary sandbag getting heavier, and have difficulty moving as quickly as I’d like. These sandbags don’t just slow down physical activity. They can also bog down our minds. I often feel as though my IQ has dipped several points throughout the day . No matter what I do, I can’t shake the feeling of being weighed down, mentally and physically. The heavier it feels, the more exhausted I feel. Some days just getting showered, dressed, and driving to work can begin to fill the sandbag. By the end of the day it can be nearly impossible to muster the energy just to cook, and eat dinner. Some days the only thing I have the energy left for is to change clothes, and crash on the couch.

We all have good days, and bad days. It’s very easy to get frustrated when we can’t get as much done as we feel we should, but we need to accept that some days we will not be as strong, or as quick, or as sharp as we’d like to be. On these days we must cuddle up on the couch with a nice warm blanket, a cup of tea (or something stronger, if we’re so inclined) and relax. That sandbag is heavy, we’ve earned the downtime!

As always, you are your own best advocate. If you do not stand up for yourself, who will?

Until next time,


Failing at life…

So you may or may not have noticed…I disappeared. Again. DANGIT.

I think I need to stop setting unrealistic goals for myself. I always want to post good things here. Informative things, helpful things, useful things. Then I get so frustrated if I can’t think of “quality content” to write, then I rough draft, then I throw it out, then I get frustrated, then I procrastinate, then I get frustrated some more. Then somehow it’s 3 months later again…and I’m going through this cycle of apologizing for my absence. Again.

Yeesh. So…here’s the plan. I’m going to attempt to just do simple, personal updates weekly or bi-weekly, depending on how this goes. I will still go on rants from time to time. And I’m sure I will annoy more people with my dislike of the homeopathic “cures” crowd. (Insert snarky-humorous image here)


(Also…this isn’t mine. I found it on the internet, and it made me LOL. So I couldn’t resist).

I am also plotting for #MPNBCAM16 – be prepared!!

Also…today is day 2 of a nightmarish migraine. (please forgive the rambling) My freaking face was numb for 24 hours. I have basically been unable to human (yay inappropriate noun/verb usage) for 2 days. I am finally getting back to something that vaguely resembles normal.

Also One More Thing!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to nominate your MPN Heroes!! Follow the link below, choose your nominee (caregiver, patient, doctor, volunteer, you name it)! Nominations are due no later than 9/8/16, so you’ll probably see this plug come up throughout the summer!

Please note, I’m not asking for nominations for myself. 1st of all, I’d never do that anyway. 2nd of all, I am ineligible (…more on that later…maybe) I am just super excited about these awards, and really want people to get out there and nominate their Heroes!!!

Nominate Your Hero today!

I’ve said also far too many times in this blog. I blame the migraine.

I’m going to end this here.

As always, you are our own best advocate. If you do not stand up for yourself, who will?

Until next time,


Saturday Morning Musings

Good morning to all of you, dearest readers. I hope you are all doing well. I wanted to talk about a few things today – there MAY be a teeny tiny rant coming (be warned!!)…

First things first: Per my previous post, I have been trying to be more active lately, to attempt to combat my fatigue issues, and I chose Yoga as my activity. Have any of you been doing yoga with me? Or any other daily activities? I have found that on the days that I have done it I have truly felt more energized! I’ve been doing a 20 minute session with a trainer I found on youtube, and I’ve been feeling pretty good! Originally I was going to stick with once a day, but was inspired to try it twice/day to see how it made me feel…it’s amazing. My morning session is generally around 6am, before I leave for work – it’s made a significant difference to my outlook on the day, and to my physical self. Then I follow along with the same video when I get home from work. The relaxation that comes along with that 2nd round is just fantastic. I don’t talk much about my “muggle” job, as some may call it, but it can be stressful at times. Knowing that when I get home, I have 20 minutes of calm, smooth motions, and deep breathing, really helps me to forget the stresses of the day. I’ve been using #virtualyogaforMPNs to promote the e-vent (see what I did there? lol), so if you do happen to join in, please Tweet, or facebook, or Instagram using the hashtag above, so we know we’re all together!

Now – on to the rant portion. You’ve been warned!!

Lately I have seen an awful lot of “cures” and “homeopathic cancer treatments” being touted by random folk on the internet. Now, please do not misunderstand me. I am all for the benefits of herbs, or essential oils. Note I said BENEFITS, not CURATIVE PROPERTIES…important distinction. There is a lot to be said for mind/body connection – feeling good mentally, can help you feel good physically(See previous paragraph on yoga…). HOWEVER – this does not/should not eliminate one’s need to be followed by one’s physician. ALSO – before beginning any kind of health regimen, you should ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS (Did I say ALWAYS…because ALWAYS!) consult your health care team!!

Now, I know that this is nothing new. Snakeoil salesmen have been around forever. There have always been people out there willing to prey on the desperate, and the sick. What irritates me the most about this, is just how easy it is for these people to spread this misinformation around via social media.

We all know how quick it is to “like” or “share” a post on Facebook. But it takes only slightly longer to do a bit of research and learn about these “cures” before you go splashing them all over someone’s newsfeed. Please, always do your research before sharing anything on the internet. Use your instincts – if it looks “too good to be true” it almost certainly is.

As much as I would love to see a panacea come into our lives, I have to admit – I’m not going to hold my breath on that. I will, however, continue researching, and being as diligent as I am able to learn about my own illness, my treatment options and discuss all of these things with my health care team.

OK, rant over – I feel better having gotten that off my chest. Phew. SO…#virtualyogaforMPNs is happening again this evening 6pm CST (Link to the video I have been using is in the first paragraph of this post), please join me! And please share your experience if you do join! I’d love to hear how it goes!

As always, you are your own best advocate. If you do not stand up for yourself, who will?

Until next time,


The Prodigal Blogger Returns…again

Well…it happened again. I planned on just taking a very short break from writing, and ended up on a 7 month hiatus. I really need to stop doing that. I will again make an effort to be less of a slacker, and try to write on a weekly basis moving forward!

So…originally I had planned for this to be a bit of a rant on the irritating trend of “cures” and “holistic treatments” and things, which do nothing but sucker the desperate, and frightened, who feel they are out of options.

Don’t get me wrong, I still fully intend to write that rant… Just not today. Today is too beautiful a day here to spend writing annoyed words. Did I mention that it is FEBRUARY in the Midwest… and it’s 75 degrees?!? Today is a day for enjoying the weather, and being happy. So… perhaps a quick update, and then some ramblings to ease back into this blogging thing. Sound OK? Great.

So… my last blog was in… July I believe…YIKES. Sorry readers… if there are any of you left… Hopefully you didn’t all give up on me. Let’s see… since July what has been going on in my world… well…I was lucky enough to go to San Diego for the Women and MPNs event hosted by the MPN Advocacy and Education Foundation. The event was extremely informative, and empowering (and I promise to go into deeper detail of the event in my next blog). Ummmm…I decided I no longer wished to be a blonde, and am now a crazy-unnaturally colored-red-head…M and I purchased a new vehicle, we had a lovely holiday season with family, what else…hmmmm…that may be in for the personal life updates at the moment….

Health wise, things are in a bit of stasis. I’m still only on baby Aspirin at this point. My platelets have been bouncing around quite a bit though… not sure how to explain that. I’ve been in the 500Ks, 600Ks, 700Ks. Most recently I went from 530K-750K in the span of a month. The explanation from the hem/onc is refractory effects of the Interferon. I suppose I need to do more research on the Interferon and its lasting effects… because it’s been (I think) about 2 years since I stopped taking it… and I would have thought that I’d stop seeing it’s effects by now. Also… my white count was high the last 2 checks, red count too. Not sure what’s shaking at the moment. As for how I’ve been feeling – about the same as usual. Fatigue is still my worst enemy, I am often so wiped out by the end of the work day that all I want to do is come home and go to bed, but I am fighting those urges. What I need to do is get back into a regular routine of some form of exercise after work… Perhaps that would help me fight the fatigue.

I’m thinking come Monday (2/22) I’ll start doing yoga when I come home again… and I’ll write about it, as a form of accountability. Anyone wish to join me? We could be accountability partners, and help one another through our fatigue slumps! If anyone would like to join my “team” let me know. E-mail me at, and we can start an activity blog for one another!

That’s all I’ve got to ramble about for now, I’ll be back soon to update you on the yoga-front…

As always, you are your own best advocate. If you do not stand up for yourself, who will?

Until next time,


Living Well with MPNs 2015…and a couple of quick announcements

Living Well with MPNs…


 Dr. Susan Leclair, PhD, CLS (NCA) Chancellor Professor Emerita and Patient Power Host

Dr. Brady Stein MD, of Northwestern

Dr. Stephen Oh of Washington University, St. Louis

Lindsey Kalhagen, PA of Northwestern

Andi Malitz, Patient Advocate

David Shobrook, Patient Advocate

For the second year in a row, M and I were lucky enough to attend the Living Well with MPNs event held in Chicago. This event was hosted by Northwestern University, Robert H. Lurie Comprehensive Cancer Center, presented by Patient Power. Just like last year, the event started with registration, a little networking with other patients, then into the meeting at 10am.

As the name of the event suggests, the focus is on encouraging us to live our lives as well as we are able. In order for anyone to do this they need to be willing to seek out the things that will help them to live their best life.  Most importantly, one needs to be informed, and not afraid to ask questions.

I know it can be scary to ask questions at times. Appearing uninformed has always been a fear of mine. But that’s the beauty of this event.  We are all in the same boat. We are all either patients or caregivers. We have all felt overwhelmed by the sheer number of questions that we had when we were diagnosed. The knowledge that we are in a room full of our peers makes it much easier to open up about the things that scare us, or the things we don’t quite understand.

There were lots of very good questions asked, and our presenters gave concise, easy to understand answers.  The doctors explained that cognitive symptoms are a lot more common in MPNs than previously thought. As more and more patients have been reporting mood disturbances, it has been more strongly connected to the MPNs themselves. Rather than sending patients from doctor to doctor (leaving us to feel rather like ping pong balls…) doctors are acknowledging that the mood disorders may be more directly connected to MPNs, and are more openly collaborating for treatment with other physicians.

We also discussed the genetic factors of our diseases. There often seems to be a little confusion between something being genetic, and something being hereditary. Our diseases are genetic, meaning they are caused a genetic mutation (JAK, CALR, etc.). That does not necessarily mean our diseases are hereditary, meaning passed from generation to generation.

The answer that seemed to stand out most to me had to be to this question: How should you decide on a course of treatment for an MPN? The consensus among the doctors presenting is that the history of the patient, and the way they are feeling, are more important when determining treatment plans than lab values alone. For instance, an ET patient with platelets in the upper 900Ks, but who has no history of blood clots, headaches, or other thrombotic events, and feels well, does NOT necessarily need prescription treatment. While an ET patient with platelets in the 500-600K range, with history of blood clots, and constant disruptive symptoms, may require prescription intervention.

There are new advances, more research, and better information available every day. This is why it is in our best interest to be as well informed as possible. Without knowledge, how can we expect to Live Well with MPNs? It is our responsibility to be proactive and assertive when it comes to our health. If you are not comfortable with the direction that your treatment is going, then speak up. If you do not feel that your doctor is receptive to your thoughts on treatment, then seek another doctor. We deserve to feel that we are heard, and that we are respected. The doctor/patient relationship needs to be a relationship of mutual respect – it needs to be a partnership.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Patient Power again for presenting this event, and for all of the information and videos available on their site!

As for my announcements – First I am excited to say I will be visiting NYC for the first time this week. I’ve been asked to participate in a Patient Advisory Board for Incyte. I’ll be there this coming Friday. Not much time for touristing, but I’m pretty excited to be going!

Second, I’ll be going to to San Diego for the Women in MPNs conference coming up in September.

That’s all for now – I’ll post what I can about the events after they happen.

As always, you are your own best advocate. If you do not stand up for yourself, who will?

Until next time,


Friends, Fatigue, and Fun…or lack thereof…

Lately I have been even more fatigued than usual, and as such, I have participated in very few activities outside of work.

People may find it strange that at the age of 28, I don’t have a thriving social life. Well, It’s tough to justify going out after work, and expending precious energy that I have no way of recouping. The question is, how do I explain that to my friends? They are all going out after work, having a good time, enjoying each other’s company. Also, how do I justify depriving M of the fun that he could be having, rather than staying home with me and the furry-writing-buddies?

My friends all know about about my situation. but I don’t know that they necessarily understand how much it truly effects me every day.

My typical week looks like this: Monday-Friday – Alarm goes off at 5:15, get up (or snooze a few times THEN get up…whichever), shower, dry my hair, put makeup on, get dressed…by this point, I’m already feeling fatigued. Then I drive to work. When I get to work, I begin the daily activities, check e-mail, get some coffee, answer phone calls, interface with customers, salesmen, technicians, etc.. At this point, I’m ready for a nap. And it’s maybe 10am. Continue daily activities, until 5pm, when the day is over. At this point, if I’m lucky, I have the energy to get in my car and drive home.

After arriving home each night, my furry-writing-buddies need to be walked, and fed. At this point, I’m lucky if I have the energy left to change clothes, make dinner, and do a few household chores before collapsing on the couch. And here I typically stay, until it’s time for bed. And then it all starts over again.

My questions for you, dear readers, is this: How do you explain to your friends WHY you can’t come out and play? I don’t know about you, but I would much prefer to go out, and have a good time, to being home, and exhausted all of the time.

Let me know in the comments, or on Twitter how you handle this particular situation.

As always, you are your own best advocate. If you do not stand up for yourself, who will?

Until next time,


Coming out of the fog…

Happy Weekend, all! It’s a beautiful day, so I felt that i should take this opportunity to write a quick update.

After only 2 weeks of Hydrea the side effects I was experiencing were worse than the symptoms of the disease. Not only that but my platelets had dropped from 880,000 to 552,000. After a discussion with the NP at my hem/onc’s office we decided that it would be best to stop the Hydrea for now. I am already starting to feel a little bit better. The nausea is subsiding, and the brain fog is lifting. I still feel it, but I can tell that it’s leaving.

I’m still not quite feeling like myself lately though. One of the problems I’ve been having lately, is what feels like a very swollen lymph node on the left side of my neck below my jaw. It has been very painful. It actually kept me up a lot Friday night. Turning my head, swallowing, even breathing was painful. I’m not sure what is causing it, but if it isn’t gone by Tuesday I will probably go see my GP about it. Other than that, nothing is really new. The spleen pain is still problematic, I still have a lot of headaches, and fatigue, but I’ll take those issues over constant nausea, and brain fog any day.

I will go for another CBC on Wednesday and we’ll see if anything has changed since last week.

Not much else to add at the moment, so I’ll end this here.

As always, you are your own best advocate. If you do not stand up for yourself, who will?

Until next time,